“It seems like we’re just pooling our ignorance.” – My mother on healthcare reform
How often do you participate in conversations that involve a lot of talking but very little in the way of real facts? For most of us, the answer is, unfortunately, “far too often.”
These conversations survive and even thrive (especially in social media) because it is considered impolite to ask questions that might break up the flow of conversation. If you are not familiar with what I am talking about, wait until a friend begins a sentence with “Well, they say” and ask your friend who exactly “they” is. Your question will most likely stall the conversation and one or both of you will awkwardly introduce a new topic.
Over time, we develop such a fear of those awkward transitions and stalled conversations that we end up caring more about how a conversation is running than we do about where it is heading. Rushing to speak leads to speaking without thinking. When you take thoughtful consideration of facts and ideas out of a conversation, you are left only with inflection, emotion, and ego. It should be no surprise that such conversations quickly lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unneeded arguments.
How can we move away from empty conversations and toward interactions that carry weight and create lasting value?
Three suggestions:
- Search online – If you have internet access, there is absolutely no reason why you should entertain a long conversation about the validity of one supposed fact over another. Instead of debating the gestation period of African elephants, Bing it.
- Practice humility – If you are not certain of your facts, admit it! Letting others know that you are aware of what you know for sure and what they can comfortably question frees the conversation to go in new and interesting directions.
- Shift from concrete to abstract – If you cannot remember or find the necessary facts to carry a conversation, consider moving the discussion away from specific facts and toward broad concepts. Instead of discussing OJ Simpson’s murder trial, (of which you remember very little) have a conversation about how justice is redefined by pop culture ideology.
It may not be fun to stop in the middle of a conversation to clarify a point or look up a fact, but the results are certainly (in my estimation) worthwhile.
image: diver